Day 18 GF Reflection: Losing and regaining weight is humiliating

I’ve decided that living gluten free will mean that I will be forced to stop weight cycling. You know, losing and gaining weight over and over again. Not only is it humiliating…its so unhealthy.

Thinking back to the time when I had such a high success rate in the gym and my health…I was not eating processed or gluten filled foods. I can look back and say now that the moment that wheat bread touched my lips…I was doomed to gain it all back.

Losing weight has always been a struggle for me.

There were two periods of my life when I lost a lot of weight on a strict diet and strenuous exercise regime. In 2009 I was in the best shape of my life. I was also practically  starving myself to look that way. It was not healthy either.

I have never been able to find that balance or zen weight. Trust me, I desperately tried to lose weight for our wedding last year, and it would not budge. Not even with a trainer.  It hurt my feelings that I had to be fat Shawna on my wedding day. My husband loves me, though. He has loved me through this whole process… and continues to be supportive and encouraging.  Our wedding day was the best day of my life!

I feel very lucky to have figured out that my body was rebelling gluten and not the gym. I love lifting weights. I love the rush of a morning workout. I feel fortunate that with the help of my doctor I can get back into my morning workout routine. My energy levels improve every day. It amazes me that I can wear high heels to work all day. There is hope even when I have set backs.

No more tears, gluten. You get no more tears!

Day 5. Sparing you, dear reader, of my day-to-day play-by-play, I have stayed true to eating gluten-free since day one.

I’ve come to the realization that gluten and I have been fighting a war within me for at least half my life. Until five days ago, gluten was winning.

I have had so much more energy this weekend! I finished the laundry, made the bed, dusted the house, vacuumed, cleaned up the balcony…pain free. I swear I have felt like an eighty-year-old woman for the last six months and all this housework would have taken a week with lots of crochet breaks.

This made me realize that when I was successful at losing weight and going to the gym EVERY DAY (yes, I was a gym rat!) I was eating clean and gluten-free but not intentionally. My diet was very natural with very little processed foods. I didn’t have a carb free diet because I ate potatoes, sweet potatoes and milk. What was missing was the breads, pastas and pizza crusts.

My mistake in maintaining my weight loss was that I tried to eat like a normal person after hitting my goal. My cheat meals consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wheat bread or ordering a slice of thick crust pizza.

When I gain weight, it is fast and furious. It doesn’t take much for me blow up like a balloon.  Going to  the gym while eating lots of gluten is so painful. I even had a personal trainer for eight months before our wedding! I lift. I lift heavy. I’m not afraid of the gym. Seeing no results in my weight loss killed my motivation.  My joints hurt every day and it didn’t feel like it was worth the pain to continue with no weight loss results.

My condition makes so much more sense to me.  Gluten is not going to win anymore. Once my health is restored…I will be back in the gym! I will find balance again.

No more tears, gluten. You get not more tears.

Gluten-free diet is not a fad diet choice for me

Yes. My weight has fluctuated drastically in my adult years. Announcing today that I have to eat gluten-free foods is not my attempt at riding some fad diet wave to lose weight. I’m sick. Gluten is making me very sick.

I empathize with anyone who suffers from digestion issues. It’s a craptastic way to live.

I didn’t want to blog about weight loss or diets. I am terrible at maintaining my weight losses. I’ve been very successful at losing weight when I get on a health and exercise kick…but then I aways take it a little too far, and bounce back to fat again.

However, I feel like in 2014 that I could have a breakthrough in finally finding a balance to physical health and want to share what I learn. This is not going to be a blog bragging about how my body fits in new clothes, but an honest look at how I take charge of my health.

I will no longer yo-yo back and forth. Join me on the journey.