Day 18 GF Reflection: Losing and regaining weight is humiliating

I’ve decided that living gluten free will mean that I will be forced to stop weight cycling. You know, losing and gaining weight over and over again. Not only is it humiliating…its so unhealthy.

Thinking back to the time when I had such a high success rate in the gym and my health…I was not eating processed or gluten filled foods. I can look back and say now that the moment that wheat bread touched my lips…I was doomed to gain it all back.

Losing weight has always been a struggle for me.

There were two periods of my life when I lost a lot of weight on a strict diet and strenuous exercise regime. In 2009 I was in the best shape of my life. I was also practically  starving myself to look that way. It was not healthy either.

I have never been able to find that balance or zen weight. Trust me, I desperately tried to lose weight for our wedding last year, and it would not budge. Not even with a trainer.  It hurt my feelings that I had to be fat Shawna on my wedding day. My husband loves me, though. He has loved me through this whole process… and continues to be supportive and encouraging.  Our wedding day was the best day of my life!

I feel very lucky to have figured out that my body was rebelling gluten and not the gym. I love lifting weights. I love the rush of a morning workout. I feel fortunate that with the help of my doctor I can get back into my morning workout routine. My energy levels improve every day. It amazes me that I can wear high heels to work all day. There is hope even when I have set backs.

Thank God coffee is gluten-free

newyears2014Happy New Year!

This is my first day gluten-free and I am thanking God that coffee and coffee creamer are on the approved list. Phew. I don’t know what I would do if you had to take coffee away from me right now, too.

I’ve had my morning cup and breakfast, too. Eggs sans the toast, and an apple. No big deal. What is a big deal is that on my last trip to the grocery store I purchased many foods that are not gf diet friendly.

1. Protein bars. Not gluten-free (for a protein bar– they are delicious). My husband is taking them to work for snacks instead of junk food out of the snack closet (that’s the plan, anyway).

2. Jimmy Dean D-Lights Turkey Sausage and egg white sandwich. Not gluten-free. 😦 Did I mention that I don’t eat beef or pork as well? I gave that up in 2003. This marks my 11th year beef and pork free. So, take away my turkey sausage sandwiches, gluten. Thanks. The GOOD news is that Jennie-O Mild Turkey Breakfast Sausage in the roll is gluten-free. I love eggs and sausage! I just cannot have biscuits and sausage gravy. I will miss you most, B&G.

3. I purchased a new container of Great Value Quick Oats from Wal-Mart. Not gluten-free. My husband won’t eat oatmeal…so I will be donating this item to the Catholic Charities of Dallas food bank. It is brand new. Everything he won’t eat will be donated to CCD. Im not real keen on wasting money or food.

I’ve been on very strict diets before. I know the trick to any diet is focusing on what I can have instead of what I can’t. However, there are no cheat meals when you cannot have gluten like when dieting to lose weight. You can’t go back. You can’t cheat.

I look forward to the days when I can go out to lunch with my co-workers and not be embarrassed by how often I have to run to the bathroom or afraid I won’t make it back to the office. I look forward to the day that I don’t have to be embarrassed by the terrible stomach pains that leave me hunched in my office or the room clearing gas. Yes. I said it. I have embarrassing problems with my digestive health. I won’t miss the problems.

Stress is a trigger for me and my crybaby colon…but my doctor’s appointment yesterday opened my eyes to a bigger problem. If I don’t stop poisoning myself with foods that cause so many more problems than just bowel issues, I won’t be healthy.

Going gluten-free is only one solution to the problem. I have to take better care of me.

Gluten-free diet is not a fad diet choice for me

Yes. My weight has fluctuated drastically in my adult years. Announcing today that I have to eat gluten-free foods is not my attempt at riding some fad diet wave to lose weight. I’m sick. Gluten is making me very sick.

I empathize with anyone who suffers from digestion issues. It’s a craptastic way to live.

I didn’t want to blog about weight loss or diets. I am terrible at maintaining my weight losses. I’ve been very successful at losing weight when I get on a health and exercise kick…but then I aways take it a little too far, and bounce back to fat again.

However, I feel like in 2014 that I could have a breakthrough in finally finding a balance to physical health and want to share what I learn. This is not going to be a blog bragging about how my body fits in new clothes, but an honest look at how I take charge of my health.

I will no longer yo-yo back and forth. Join me on the journey.